Ryan stood outside the field base all night.
The next morning, Daniel told me he had developed a fever from the cold and had been taken to the hospital by local police.
After hearing that, I only nodded.
“I know.”
Daniel looked at me.
“Do you want to go see him?”
“No.”
I slung my camera over my shoulder.
“We still have a shoot today.”
He said okay.
He did not ask anything else.
At noon, Ryan texted me from an unknown number.
Ryan: [Evelyn, I have a fever.]
Ryan: [The doctor says I have a lung infection.]
Ryan: [I feel awful.]
Ryan: [Can you come see me?]
I looked at those messages.
I thought of the winter two years ago, when I had a fever of 102.
I called him.
He said Lily was drunk and that he had to take her home.
I went to the hospital alone for IV fluids.
At two in the morning, the back of my hand was so swollen the nurse could barely get the needle in.
The nurse asked where my family was.
I said he was on his way.
But he never came.
The next morning, he sent me a message.
Ryan: [It was too late last night, and I forgot to ask. Did your fever go down?]
Back then, I even made excuses for him.
I thought he was simply too tired.
Thinking about it now, you really should not spend your life making excuses for other people.
If you do, you can excuse them so much that you make yourself feel worthless.
I deleted the messages.
Then I continued adjusting my camera settings.
That night, we captured a breathtaking series of aurora shots.
Daniel said they were among the best photos in the entire project.
The editor decided on the spot to include my work among the cover candidates.
I stood in the snow, my fingers numb from the cold.
But my heart burned fiercely.
At that moment, I finally knew for certain.
Leaving Ryan was not a loss.
It was my return to my own life.