Ryan found me in Iceland a week later.
That day, I had just finished a shoot and returned to the entrance of the field base.
From a distance, I saw a familiar figure.
He was standing in the wind and snow.
He was still wearing the same black overcoat from back in the States, which did nothing to block the icy Icelandic wind.
His lips had turned pale from the cold.
The moment he saw me, his eyes lit up.
“Evelyn.”
I stopped walking.
I did not go over to him.
Ryan staggered toward me.
He had lost a lot of weight.
Stubble shadowed his jaw, and his eyes were bloodshot.
He used to care about appearances more than anyone.
His shirts were always perfectly pressed.
His shoes were always spotless.
But now he stood there in the snow, so disheveled he barely looked like himself.
“I finally found you.”
His voice was terribly hoarse.
“I went looking for you at every friend’s place.”
“I went to your old school.”
“Only later did I find out you had come to Iceland.”
“Evelyn, I was wrong.”
As he spoke, tears suddenly fell from his eyes.
“I really know I was wrong.”
I looked at him.
My heart was calm, calmer than the snowfield before us.
Ryan took a box from his pocket.
He opened it.
Inside was a diamond ring.
It was large, bright, and obviously expensive at a glance.
“I bought a new one.”
“It’s not the one from before.”
“This one is better.”
“Evelyn, I’ll never make you wait again.”
As he spoke, his knees bent, and he actually knelt in the snow.
“Will you come back with me?”
“We’ll plan the wedding all over again.”
“I’ll change the new place into exactly what you wanted.”
“I threw out all of Lily’s things.”
“I deleted her contact information too.”
“From now on, I’ll remember only you.”
“You like white lisianthus. I remember that now.”
“You’re allergic to peanuts. I remember that too.”
“You have a sensitive stomach and can’t drink anything iced.”
“Your hands crack in the winter, and you need good hand cream.”
He spoke incoherently.
Tears struck the snow one by one.
The cold wind dried them almost immediately.
If this had been before, I probably would have softened.
I would have thought that now that he finally remembered these little things, all the hurt I had swallowed for the past four years had not been for nothing.
But now, I only found it ironic.
“Ryan.”
I looked at the ring.
“Do you know why I don’t want a wedding ring anymore?”
He looked up at me.
His eyes were frighteningly red.
“Because the moment you canceled it, I understood.”
“What I wanted was never a ring.”
“I wanted you to care enough to keep me in your heart.”
“But you never did.”
Ryan’s lips trembled.
“I will from now on.”
“It’s too late,” I said.
“When someone waits too long, they stop wanting what they were waiting for.”
He shook his head hard.
“It’s not too late.”
“Evelyn, it’s not too late.”
“We’re already legally married. We haven’t even had the real wedding ceremony yet.”
“We still have a chance.”
I suddenly gave a small laugh.
“Every chance you’re talking about now is something I begged you for before.”
“I begged you to come with me to try on wedding dresses.”
“You said you were busy.”
“I begged you to look seriously at the invitations.”
“You said not to make it complicated.”
“I begged you to remember that I was allergic to peanuts.”
“You told me to just pick them out.”
“I begged you not to let Lily interfere with our new home.”
“You said I was being petty.”
“Ryan, this wasn’t just one day.”
“It was four years.”
“It was you telling me every single day that I didn’t matter.”
Ryan knelt in the snow, as if all the strength had been drained from his body.
He choked out, “I didn’t know you were that hurt.”
“You knew.”
I cut him off.
“You just thought I would never leave.”
His face went deathly pale.
I took a step back.
I avoided the hand he reached toward me.
“Did you sign the divorce agreement?”
Ryan froze.
“I won’t sign it.”
“Evelyn, I won’t sign it even if it kills me.”
“Then I’ll file for divorce.”
My voice was very quiet.
“I’ve already retained a lawyer.”
It was as if those words broke him.
Suddenly, he reached out and grabbed the hem of my coat.
“Don’t do this.”
“Evelyn, please.”
“I really can’t live without you.”
“These past few days, I went home and couldn’t find anything.”
“I didn’t know where my ties were.”
“I didn’t know where the stomach medicine was.”
“I didn’t even know what kind of coffee I was supposed to drink in the morning.”
“Only then did I realize that you were the one taking care of me for all four years.”
“I’m a bastard.”
“I’m not even human.”
“You can hit me, curse me, anything. Just don’t leave me.”
By the end, he was crying so hard he could barely breathe.
I looked down at him.
This was the man I had looked up to for four years.
Now he was kneeling at my feet, as wretched as a lost child.
But I did not feel the slightest bit sorry for him.
“Ryan.”
“The person you can’t live without isn’t me.”
“It’s an unpaid maid who organized your life, managed your emotions, and tolerated Lily for you.”
“Now the maid has quit.”
“Of course you’re not used to it.”
He stared at me blankly.
Tears still hung on his face.
“No.”
“I love you.”
I shook my head.
“You’ve only realized that no one will ever love you the way I did.”
The wind and snow grew heavier.
Daniel walked out of the field base.
He glanced at Ryan but did not say anything.
He simply draped a thick coat over my shoulders.
“It’s cold out here.”
I nodded.
Ryan looked at the coat, and panic suddenly surged into his eyes.
“Who is he?”
I did not answer.
In the past, whenever I asked who Lily was to him, he had always avoided answering too.
Now it was his turn.
So this was what it felt like to be shut out.
I turned and walked inside.
Behind me, Ryan called after me.
“Evelyn!”
“Look back at me.”
“Just once.”
I did not look back.